130809-psychiatry-identity-crisis-tiffany_ozdim8

Hey. Before I begin my rant I want to warn you that this is going to be very personal. Long and full of trigger warnings such as mental illness, depression, anxiety and more so if you’re not comfortable reading about such topics this is definitely NO for you.

If you’re someone like I was, struggling with something you can’t quite identify, feeling just plainly bad, feeling lonely cuz no one could possibly understand what you’re going through.

And well how could you even explain yourself when you simply don’t know what the hell is going on.

I feel you. Trust me.

I’ve spent 6 months. 6 worst months of my life barely sleeping, barely breathing, in constant pain, in constant fear for my life. I felt like I would die any minute.

My friends and family stopped taking me seriously after a while and I really can’t blame them even thought that made me feel like even bigger shit.

I kept crying all the time. I was canceling on every plan I had just because “what if I die” (sounds ridiculous now but I was paralyzed by fear) I had no one to turn to – I tried.

I complained to my family my friends but let’s face it we’re talking about 6 months of my wining. Of course they would get sick of me so overtime when I felt particularly bad, like my heart was about to stop I just kept it all inside. Stuck on the verge of “omg I don’t want to die” and “omg please let me die and make it stop”

I tried to help myself on my own.

I meditated. I took pills. I visited altogether 8 different doctors – all with same answer – I’m healthy.

Well fuck me cuz I don’t feel healthy Susan.

So doctors were no-no. Friends were no-no. Family were no-no. Pills were no longer helping be. I screwed on school cuz I would have terrible panic attacks in there. Going to bathroom become daily challenge and talking to my roommate was jut too much wasted energy I could use on staying alive instead.

I spend almost 6 months “lying” (well  more like sitting cuz I had this paranoid fear that if I lie down I would choke so I “slept” with 4 pillows so I was practically half sitting) in my bed watching one comedy show after another crying and feeling helpless.

What can I say – fun times.

I might seem unfair to my friends and family now but honestly there is just so much “get over yourself” “stop thinking about it” “it’s all in your head” “it’s not real” “you’re overeating” “people have it much worse than you” “you’re not thinking about your family/friends” until you realize you are completely alone in this.

I googled so much, I tried to figure out what was happening to me, I was all I’ve got, everyone that cared.

I was quite certain I was crazy.

I was allegedly healthy. I was just in constant pain. My chest hurt with every breath I took. I was dizzy all the time. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t talk – like I said – totally healthy.

What I so desperately needed at that time was someone who would tell me I’m not crazy.

That this happened to them. What to do next and what to expect.

So this is the reason why I am writing this article down. If you are going to same stuff I did just hang in there (cheesy I know) it will get so much better (cheesy) and here is what to do.

After spending hours on Internet I realized I would need psychiatric help. Admitting that was the hardest step. It took all the courage I had left to admit such thing. As from when I was little I was told to be strong. Fearless. To be good example to my younger sisters and to actually say out loud that I need psychiatric help and I might be dealing with mental illness took weeks.

My courage crumbled when I decided to tell my mum about my decision to go to psychiatrist.

Her reaction as very negative. She started yelling at me that I just need to get over myself and that psychiatrist are for people who are crazy and I am not.

Rought I know but now I try to look at this situation from my mothers point of view.

Your first-born comes to you and tell you that she’s not happy with her life. She wants to see psychiatrist. It must have been hard for my mum to hear that as she might assume it was her fault. That she made some mistakes raising me (which of course she did being a parent does not come with a manual). Considering lot of her family members kill themselves or spend some time at psychiatric themselves it must have been hard to realize she’ll have to deal with it again.

So I didn’t search for help anymore. Instead I stayed in my misery for several more weeks until I figured out that I have to go to doctors or I would die. Probably by my own hand.

I searched for closest one in my hometown. I spend few night before my visit wide awake just wondering nad stressing about what’s gonna happened there.

I was so afraid of the unknown.

The morning I was supposed to go there I got dressed and went to psychiatric. But right outside the doctors door were standing this woman. Clearly talking to herself and swinging from right to left.

That’s when it hit me – my um was right. I  don’t need this kind of help. There are people like this woman who actually need psychiatrist help and not me.

I went home.

Again my misery prolonged for another week. I wet there again. Actually sat in the waiting room but when it was my turn and I handed my insurance card to the nurse she told me the doctor does not have contract with this insurance company. I would have to pay for the whole treatment myself. That was something I could not afford.

Thankfully she recommended me another doctor that would take me.

So I went to this other psychiatrist but she had full schedule so I made and appointment for next month (!) Only thing that kept me going for the whole month was the idea of getting better.

I finally had tiny hope someone would care and help me.

I spent this month in fear of the therapy itself.

I imagined it would be just like in the movies where I would lie on the couch and talk about my problems and my childhood.

What would I tell her ?

I had literally no idea why is this happening to me or what caused it. I just wished someone would tell be how does psychiatric session looks like in reality so I could brace myself for what was coming.

When I made my appointed I got this questionnaire called Zungs questionnaire with 20 questions I was supposed to answers with numbers 1-4 meaning “never or rarely” “sometimes” “often” and “always“.

It was great cuz at least I know what we be discussing at our session and I could think about it and prepare.

Here I’m gonna translate you the questions and my answers.

Questionnaire

1.I am sad or desolate – This was one of the hardest questions cuz most of the time I was just numb. I could lie in a bed staring on the wall and hours could pass without me even noticing. Otherwise there would be times where I would start crying in the middle of a store for no reason  whatsoever. = often

2.I feel best in the morning – Mornings were ok for me, the higher hour and closes to night the bigger my fear would become. I hated the nigh. I was paralyzed by fear every night and I couldn’t wait for morning to come so my answer to this was = always

3.There are times when I feel like crying – no reason. My body just commands me to cry = often

4.I have difficulties sleeping at night – whether you have trouble falling asleep, you wake up in the middle of the night several times or wake up too early – or in my case all of the above = always

5.I eat the same as before (amount) –  I had difficulties finishing half fo the plate = never

6.Sexual life or sexual thought still brings me pleasure – I got quite surprised by this question, cuz only when I read it I realized I haven’t thought about sex this whole time so =rarely

7. I noticed I lost weight – everyone around me was so happy with my new body so yes I lost some weight and I gained it all back when I got better (and my family made sure I know I looked better when I was severely depressed) = often

8. I have troubles with constipation – I didn’t eat much so my body functions were disrupted as well = sometimes

9.I have strong feelings of fast heartbeat – I was always aware of my own heart and most of the time I stayed focused on it. Listening if it’s beating as it should. Every missed beat would freak me out and my fear caused my heartbeat was fast most of the day= always

10.I get tired without apparent reason  – reason being taking a shower or talking to a friend = always

11.I can think straight as usual – the constant confusion and “not knowing” was making it so hard for me to function properly = never

12.I can handle same tasks as before – even shopping took hours of mental preparation because “what if..?” = never

13.I feel nervous and I can’t stay still – I got to keep moving. Whenever it’s bumping my leg up and down or scratching myself all over leaving me with so many scars till this day = always

14. I am full of hope to the future – lol – I can’t see any future so = never

15. I feel more irritated than before – loud noises and ridiculous topics, “get over it” makes me want to scream = always

16.I can make decisions easily – no way. I never felt so helpless in my life and I never truly experienced the concept of “not knowing” like back then = never

17.I feel useful and needed – not for anyone. I didn’t do anything at all except watching tv shows and crying = never

18. I live full life – lol =never

19. I feel like it would be better for my closed ones if I died – they would not have to deal with my constant complaining. They wouldn’t have to worry what was wrong with me they could go on with their lives like nothing happened. The complication in their life (me) would be gone = always

20.I enjoy the same things as before – reading books, tv shows, drawing, friends – nothing could make me feel anything anymore =never

After this 20 questions the doctor would count my answers and make preliminary decision if I am suffering with depression or not. (well you don’t have to be doctor to guess from my answers that I truly was depressed)

So how does my psychiatric session looked like:

It took exactly 45 minutes. I brought doctor the questionnaire, my medical record with all of the tests and doctors appointments I already had considering my issues like neurology, cardiology, 2 different rehabilitation therapy, all of the emergencies medical records I visited over past few months.

We started by my simple explanation of my issues as to what brings me there.

She asked me if it was my decision to come to her. Asked me about my medica record. My families medical record and if someone in my family was dealing with any mental illness.

Asked me about my chest pains. If it happens only at night. What usually triggers them. How do I ease them. What king of mediations I took. What doctors have I visited and she was so surprised not one of the doctors I visited recommended me psychiatrist as I was clearly dealing with sickness in her field of study.

I was not sitting on a couch but simple chair right in front of the doctor like in any other doctor ambulance before.

She was typing everything I told her to computer.

We took a look at the questionnaire and I told her everything I told you guys.

Only personal question she asked me was what I do, what I study and how do I like it.

No childhood memories or digging into my past as I was expecting. It was all strictly on medical side of the issue. Then she make som physical examinations. Tested my reflexes. My sight and other neurological tests that took like 5 minutes to make sure I react normally to stimulus and I did.

One surprising questions she asked me was to name her three things that made me happy over last 3 month.

I was shocked because I couldn’t think of anything at that moment. I remembered that Game of thrones last season was coming up that month so I was feeling small excitement about that but besides that nothing.

After some more talking and her typing it all down she told me her outcome.

I was dealing with panic disorder and severe depression.

She asked me if I googled something about it on the internet and I told her I did so I had an idea as to what she was talking about. She explained the brain process of the disease to me and gave me some documents to read at home about what I was dealing with.

She prescribed antidepressants to me and explained the dosage to me as at first few days I needed to take just half of the pill to slowly prepare my brain for the therapy and later on whole pill.

I agreed to come to another session next month.

She warned me that few first weeks won’t be pretty.

That I’ll still have to deal with the same issues and it might even get stronger at the begging of therapy. What I really appreciated as at least I know what was going to happen and I knew it would pass soon.

She also asked me if I was thinking about suicide.

My immediate answer was to tell the truth. She’s a doctor and I need help.

So I says yes.

But right after I said it out loud I felt such shame I hade to add “but I didn’t have any plan or anything” just to justify and clarify that I’m not that kind of person – even thought we already figured that I in fact am that kind of person.

And that was it. The whole scary psychiatric therapy I was so afraid. It was nothing more but another doctor. Another discussion few tests and finally a solution.

Mu mum was not happy about my diagnose.

When I told her I was severely depressed she laughed to my face. Started screaming that I am just overreacting and making it up. That I have no idea what real depression looks like. Started talking shit about the doctor and then stormed out. Just what I needed.

Later on she tried to convince (and she’s not ok with it till this day) that I don’t need the pills. That she’s not gonna buy them for me. She works in pharmacy so she just didn’t want me to pick them up there so all of her colleagues would know her daughter is psycho.

I tried to explain to my mum and dad what my depression really meant but they refused to listen.

So I left them the documents doctor left me but they did not read it.

You juts can’t educate someone if they don’t want to be educated.

So I pick up my own pills at different pharmacy. Make my own doctor appointments and plainly not talk about it with my parents. My sisters where more open-minded and asked questions and even joked about it what was great.

I keep going to check ups. I just sit in doctor’s office and she usually asks me how I’m doing. If there are any adverse effects of the pills. I always tell her I feel great. Better than ever. She prescribe me more pills and I make appointments for another session.

I’ve been on medications for over a year now and I have truly never felt better.

I made some life changes. I quit university. Imoved to Prague. Started working in pharmacy. Started blogging more. Created fashion brand and I can’t believe how awesome my life is now.

If you would tell me a year ago that I would not only be alive but happy I would laugh to your face.

My parents, even unwillingly, must admit that I got better. Therapy and pills works.

I was actually mentally ill and they didn’t make it easy for me. They got used to it a little by now. My dad even pick ups my prescriptions when I’m out-of-state and brings it to my moms pharmacy and pick it up for me.

All of my friends noticed how happier and healthier I look now.

I don’t mind talking about it now cuz if only someone talked about it back then I would not have to suffer for 6 months till I started dealing with my mental illness.

My friends and family that might feel triggered by this article (well they don’t really read any of my stuff) there are no hard feelings. They did what they thought was best in the situation and I can’t blame them.

I blame the mental health stigma.

People feel awkward. Uncomfortable talking about their brain being sick. People don’t want to hear about it. It’s easier to joke about killing themselves than to say “hey I’ve been feeling really hopeless lately and I was thinking about ending my life”

So if you’re dealing with mental illness, don’t know how to ask for help, who to ask, have family and friends that are sportive I have bad and good news for you.

Bad is that you’re gonna have to make it on your own.

Good – you will feel unbelievably proud of yourself once you get better.

Curing your brain is not overnight deal.

It took me a least 3 months on medications to realize I don’t feel constant pain anymore. Occasional panic attack. Dizziness. Cry.

It took me over a year to feel normal.

Happy even.

To enjoy simple things. To deal with stuff with clear head. Making decisions never felt better. To enjoy food. To fall asleep few minutes after going to bed. Don’t panic every time you’re met with new situation or person. Simply not thinking about the worst scenario possible.

Right now I feel like everything that happened to me and everything I went through was some sort of out-of-body experience.

I can’ relate. I don’t understand the choices I made. The feelings I felt.

But I’ll never forget that it was real. It all made sense at that time.

It made me who I am today, sure but if I could have avoided it I would.

So for the love of God let’s talk about it.

Mental illness, depression, anxiety, suicide, panic disorder and many more are not cursed or forbidden words so why do we act like they are?

Share your experiences. Talk about it. You never know who just might need to hear they are not alone in their struggles. Give hope. Explain what happened to you when you’re ready to share your story.

There might be someone out there crying in the middle of th night wondering what is wrong with them and searching for answer online. Let them know they are not alone and there is way out.

Let’s talk bout it. If you have similar story as mine please share it with the rest of us in the comments. I’m sure psychiatric therapy looks different in some other countries and I’m sure people would like to hear what to expect from psychiatric visit.

It truly sucks but remember it’s all just temporary.

Thank you so much for your attention
xo Natalia

43 Comments

  1. October 24, 2018 / 5:46 pm

    Celebrate your courage Natalia; your helping so many people with your story.

  2. October 24, 2018 / 6:06 pm

    I appreciate your candidness in telling this story and admire your ability to overcome your illness when you didn’t get any help from the people you would have expected it to come from.

  3. October 24, 2018 / 7:18 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this..

  4. I have struggled with depression since I was a child but did not seek treatment until I was almost 30. I was later diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder 6 years ago. Medication has been helpful. I have had some counseling which also helped. I still have difficult days, but it is a lot better now.

  5. October 24, 2018 / 9:44 pm

    I was in that situation too but now i win the depresion and lurn something about myself. Great post. Have a nice life💖

  6. October 24, 2018 / 11:24 pm

    Psychiatrists in the US focus on a clinical diagnosis and medication. Therapists focus on healing.

  7. October 24, 2018 / 11:27 pm

    Therapy is therapy. If have pneumonia, you go see a Doctor. If you have depression (which is na illness) (Not psycho!) you go see a “shrink”. They will help you get a grip on yourself. Anti´depressants may help too. You made the right choice… 🙂
    (And sharing the story with others is also good. means you are getting better)
    Cheers, “Nathalie”. 😉

  8. October 25, 2018 / 2:34 am

    Thank you for sharing. Hopefully this will help people to seek help.

  9. October 25, 2018 / 12:24 pm

    Thank you for sharing. Psychiatric illness frightens people and they often deny what the sufferer is going through. I went through a phase of acute anxiety and panic attacks about 30 years ago(!) it was frightening and dominated all my thoughts. I am glad to say I had a mother who understood the problem – she abhorred people telling you to get over it – and I am glad to say the condition gradually passed. If it helps I found hypnotherapy the most helpful treatment. But I know different things work for different people. Wishing you all the best and a full recovery. Mx

  10. October 25, 2018 / 4:00 pm

    Fantastic read thanks for sharing part of your life with the reader otherwise I’d never of getting hope.. especially when u said you didn’t feel normal .. I related to so much of your story .. and now realise that I am normal and not alone.. thanks nat

  11. October 25, 2018 / 4:32 pm

    Hello. I’m a clinical psychologic and i don’t and i don’t use the medication but i use right treatment.

  12. October 25, 2018 / 5:17 pm

    Thank you,
    My wife has General Anxiety Disorder, so she went through a similar thing. You’ve got a lot of guts to take the steps to get help. I hope your story inspires others.

  13. October 26, 2018 / 5:18 am

    The rabbinic school of thought really helped me.

  14. October 26, 2018 / 9:00 pm

    Psychiatrist are doctors and approach things from medical point of view. They are usually about accessing and prescribing medication. Often they work with or will suggest a therapist and they will do more talking and listening. I am 62 and just started taking antidepressants. It doesn’t solve all my problems, but it does make things much more manageable. I think admitting you need help, helps. When you get help your saying ignoring the problem doesn’t work and neither will I sit and wallow in it. I will take action and get help. Congrats on 1st step.

  15. October 27, 2018 / 12:36 am

    Good post. I too suffered with depression and came through the experience stronger after therapy and medication. I know it can come back and being positive requires effort. Keep on keeping on.

  16. October 27, 2018 / 9:48 am

    Thank you so much for sharing your story Nat. Firstly, it’s really brave of you, as many people suffering from anxiety and depression are frightened to talk, and secondly, it will help other people who are in the same position as you.
    I have suffered from it too and there is still a stigma attached to both illnesses, although I hope this is gradually being broken down. Like you, people close to me didn’t understand what I was going through and often, you suffer in silence. I have written an article on this too and hopefully this can also help people in a similar position, just as you have done with this great post:
    http://loveatfirstswipe.online/2018/04/07/anxiety-and-depression-what-triggers-these-disorders-and-how-do-you-keep-them-at-bay/

  17. October 27, 2018 / 11:01 am

    Natalia you are very brave and courageous for sharing your story. I applaud you and thank you. Although it was bittersweet reading it because I went through this very thing several times in my life. As a nurse I wanted to pretend that I was just supposed to treat patients and not be one. But I tried to kill myself twice before getting help. I am the youngest of six children. But I was the one everybody came to, everyone leaned on. The only way to fix me was to take myself out their lives for as long as it took me to get well. So that’s what I did! I was so happy once I finished out patient therapy was finally on the correct medication! You are right. I wish that someone was there to tell me what to expect and that it wasn’t going to be bad forever. I only had the support of my mother.

  18. October 28, 2018 / 9:10 pm

    Thank you for writing this! I struggled with a lot of the same things over the years and had a fear of actually starting therapy myself. My family definitely wasn’t against it but there was a definitely tendency to write it off and to write off my problems as something I could get over if I really tried.
    Hopefully it will help people to read your story and realize they aren’t alone!

  19. October 29, 2018 / 8:17 am

    Thank for sharing something so personal. I believe I have learnt something from it, especially as a parent.

  20. October 29, 2018 / 5:10 pm

    You’re amazing! I’ve been here, literally at breaking point several times and it is so lonely and hard but in a self-destructive way even though you want love and attention and support you still push it away somehow. Also, you can’t choose your family. They can be wonderful or they can be useless. You just have to believe in your own body and your own thoughts. Well done. I hope you see you are capable of anything now! inspiring xx

  21. October 30, 2018 / 3:44 pm

    What a harsh thing to have to endure. I hope you keep getting better…

  22. November 3, 2018 / 7:23 am

    Natalia, this is a beautiful and engaging read, and I hope that writing it out honestly and openly like this has helped progress you even just a little bit more.
    The human mind is something that no-one will ever truly understand. It can be amazing. It can be so dangerous – as one of your readers so rightly commented about how we are “hoaxed”. Those of us who are lucky are those who know that the lowest and darkest times will eventually pass, but ironically it is during those times that we are unable to see that clearly or positively. It can also deceive us with physical symptoms that make it seem that we are unwell. Really the unwell part of us at this point is our mind, not our body.
    The times when I feel that I am trapped inside my own head, unable to escape my pain about how this world is turning out, how unfair Life is – not just for me but for everyone – those moments can hit me like the flip of a switch or, as I describe it, like falling off a cliff, so sudden is the change from positivity to depression and hopelessness, I feel like I am trapped inside my own head, like a volcano ready to explode except there is no way out. It is easy for others to remind us that we are not alone in our problems, but it depends on the way it is said as to whether it demonstrates the empathy that can truly support us, or whether it is like saying that other people are larger than you are – which may be true, but it still doesn’t get you into the favourite shirt you no longer fit into.
    That same reader wrote a lovely comment about turning to Nature. I turn to my chickens, my pigs, to the lizards and the bugs and beasties that surround me where I live. A moment of natural beauty can help so much – and beauty might be a butterfly floating by, or just the wonder of Nature in general. They help me to open my eyes and see the world through a microscope and remind me that there is a lot more to this world than meets the eye. But they also become such a focus for me that the reverse can happen and a tiny incident like an accidental but natural death can push me off that cliff again. Where I live, people think you really ARE crazy if you cry about the death of a chick or a frog, even if it is natural. They just don’t think about such things. Writing my blog is a funny thing too – I get so wrapped up in it, so excited, that when I come away from it I wonder how I can possibly get so depressed when I have so many wonderful things (at least to me) to write about! Like I said. Flick of a switch.
    No-one here understands how I feel – I am from a different culture and I am in a place where mental illness is only just becoming recognized. Just having a foreign face means people assume that any way you act is merely down to you not being from around here. But I can email my friends and family – that has been hard at times, as a large part of my depression encompasses guilt. I then feel guilty about burdening them when they, too have their problems. And really, I often know that my life is not bad at all, it is just the things that go on inside my head that make it impossible for me to see straight.
    I have never relied on medicine to get me through. But I do understand that for some people that is probably the only choice they have if they are that deeply affected. I have used paracetemol though to make me sleep when I just don’t want to think any more. Nowadays I find Vitamin B (multi) helps, and I take natural remedies in the form of herbs and roots that are around me. Food is a very important part of self-help. We have way too much processed food these days, or even fresh food but it is chemically affected. How can we progress when we continually feed ourselves poison?
    You are so right. Night time is terrible. I think that goes for most people. The dramas and panics and fears that arise in a seemingly endless night vanish in the morning light. As someone wise once said, if you write a letter at night, read it again in the morning before you send it – even better, don’t send it! That’s the problem with emails these days – too instant, too impetuous – unless you are like me and have no internet at home!
    I am so lucky to have an understanding and supportive family. In fact, it was my next eldest sister who made me realize I am not going mad when she referred to my depression and my “mental illness”. Instead of flinching and thinking “Woah! Mental illness? Not me!”, the reverse happened and I thought “Hey, so many people have mental illness of varying degrees. I am not alone!” – in fact I think this year was the Year of Mental Illness Awareness in the UK? Once I am out of that low though, it is like looking at a totally different person and I wonder how or why I felt as I did just then.
    Your mother’s reaction sounds very much like a combination of guilt and fear – a projection of her own feelings, covering them up with anger. Noone likes to think they are not perfectly healthy and that they might produce, horror of horrors, a social misfit. And that is only being a misfit cos Society says so. Damn Society for making us feel guilty for being how we naturally are – and also for putting pressure on us and making us that way. Society finds everyone weird if they are mentally, sexually, dietary, religiously non-conforming. I once spoke to a Japanese woman who said that in Japan there is a high incidence of late teen suicides, because of the pressure to succeed at school. Never a case of doing the best you can – no, it MUST be THE best.
    I don’t want to worry you about the future, when you are doing so well now at coping with the Present, Natalia, but can I just say this? I find all the individual conditions I ever gone through all get compounded into one big miserable, so often tearful and desolate lump now, where even my “100% Good Days” still feel a bit heavy on the heart and my best is only 80%. Why? Menopause! You are still a long way off from this natural but challenging stage of female life, but I urge you to investigate it as much as possible ahead of time. Too little is told about it until we are already well into the state of confusion it creates. It might be that some of the symptoms you thought you had overcome, return with a vengeance – tears and depression, irritability and super sensitivity that don’t just come with a monthly cycle. Be brave and keep strong about this. Talk to people your own age when it happens! It might be your current medication – if you are still on it then – helps you through it, I don’t know. I know I am far more sensitive, tearful, irritable and before, and have an awful habit of putting myself into the heads of the victims, whether they be animal or human, in my anguish about the state of this, our wonderful planet. Older friends tell me it does get better though.  Funny isn’t it – two totally natural and inevitable stages of life (teenage and menopause) and yet so many people do not make allowances for the consequences of such hormonal change.
    Wow. I seem to have gone on for more than just a long answer! Sorry to take up your space. What the heck, no one has to read this if they don’t want to, eh? After all – we ARE all individuals.
    Keep strong, Natalia, and when you can’t be strong, I hope there is a teeny part of you that reminds you that it WILL get better. Keep up the blogs too – entertaining, interesting stuff that I enjoy very much – you have found your outlet!

  23. November 7, 2018 / 12:46 am

    I am so happy things have improved for you. <3

  24. November 9, 2018 / 6:16 pm

    That’s a great post and very helpful you are spreading awareness that’s pretty awesome but there’s some grammatical mistakes you have edit your post. Keep up posting good stuff👍❤️

  25. November 9, 2018 / 9:33 pm

    Amazing post thanks for sharing.
    I’ve been in the same condition, I went to the psychiatrist and psicologyst, start painting and writing and my blog was a way of wrote down my process. I felt more relife, I felt bad and start analise all and wrote all so I can remember.
    Also to help people see other sides. It’s been 11 months and I feel much better now.

  26. November 10, 2018 / 4:43 pm

    It took great courage for you to seek help, and to share your journey with others. I pray that this post will encourage other people.

  27. November 11, 2018 / 6:49 am

    courageous and honest post. Be well.

  28. November 11, 2018 / 11:08 am

    Sharing your own painful story and memories is really hard. It has taken me years to finally get to where I am finally able to start, little by little. Kudos to you for being so brave and having the courage to share your story and experiences. It was beautiful!

  29. Alfavyaps
    November 14, 2018 / 2:17 pm

    Great stuff, sometimes the little you share affects the lives of people a great deal, really amazing to have such courage

  30. November 14, 2018 / 7:20 pm

    Yoga? Like not just a weekly session, but working in a camp for a month? I did that once, 45 years ago; it’s worth asking people about.

  31. November 17, 2018 / 12:03 pm

    great article Natalia ! reposted it on my twiter page . very interesting topic . thank you !

  32. November 18, 2018 / 5:15 pm

    Well your post did inspire me to write about my experience, yet I could not bring myself to publish it. It was waaaay too personal and my site is public, shared to Twitter, etc. But Jung’s list of 20 questions, in all my 19 years of therapy and still going, I was never presented with such a list. The questions and YOUR answers described me almost exactly! Especially #15 which I thought I was the crazy for being very disturbed by noise and nonsense. I applaud you for your courage to share your story! I am so happy to hear that you are now experiencing happiness, success and fulfillment, despite having your family shame you all along in the process.

  33. November 18, 2018 / 5:17 pm

    I also want to mention art therapy. Adult coloring books for anxiety and a mindfulness tactic. I did some and it took awhile but had some clarity of thought on things after doing this activity – just a suggestion….

  34. November 19, 2018 / 5:48 pm

    This is an important post. Thanks for sharing it.

  35. November 27, 2018 / 2:18 pm

    Brutally honest, strength gained through a show of vulnerability. An article for all whom don’t understand depression to read. Top write Nat x

  36. December 3, 2018 / 6:05 am

    I too suffer from clinical depression.
    And that’s a reaction of many people sadly, “You’re not depressed. You’re just over reacting.”

  37. December 19, 2018 / 11:57 pm

    Thank you for sharing, and thank God you are better now. Keep fighting and happy..

  38. nat7x
    Author
    January 1, 2019 / 4:24 pm

    Thank you so much

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