365 Dni or 365 Days, a movie adaptation of a polish bestseller book by Blanka Lipinska is up on Netflix and holy hell I have a lot to say about it. Pardon my language but this is gonna get nasty as the movie itself.

365 days is listed as a romantic movie on Netflix and honestly wow. The movie is a simple PWP, or porn without a plot for you innocent souls. But no one and I repeat no one watches it for the plot. I could write an easy about how problematic that movie is but frankly, that would be useless. There is no way you come out of watching it thinking any of that is ok.

So let’s get to the basics of the problematics here. Spoilers alert.

Massimo Torricelli played by freaking hot Michele Morrone is an Italian mafia boss. One day he got shot and in his near-death experience, he saw a woman. Many would assume it’s an angel and rethink their life and change for the better. Not our Massimo. He made his life goal to find this woman, kidnap her, make her his prisoner, fuck her hard and give her a 365 days to fall in love with him. Yeah sounds about right.

The woman of his dream is Polish Laura Biel played by freaking hot Anna-Maria Sieklucka. Seriously one of the most unrealistic things about this movie was how attractive our main protagonists were.

Laura is a fearless badass and her witty comebacks to Massimo’s toxic manhandling were hilarious. She takes no shit and their whole relationship from the beginning forms really realistic picture of the whole Dom/Sub relationships. I mean if you really think a Dom is the one who’s really in control of the Sub and it’s not about the mutual understanding of each others’ needs, you might be watching some really basic porn.

It takes Laura like a week, a bunch of new clothes, one mafia family war, and a near-death experience to suck Massimo’s dick. And that’s where the fun begins.

If you haven’t figured it out by now this is not an American movie and it’s pretty clear by it’s perfectly made sex scenes. We’re used to Americanized sex scenes, meaning closed doors, teasing, and leaving it all to the imagination.

Not in 365 days.

Nudity is well expected. But I did not expect Laura to play with her vibrator and Massimo getting a blow job with a pretty detailed point of view to be a first 10 minutes of a movie streaming on Netflix. And the yacht scene or more like a supercut of them fucking on every surface of a yacht and in every possible position was really something. We learned that Laura has heart problems and there is just no way her heart could survive that much pounding.

Massimo definitely knows what he’s doing with the female body.

You can’t have such a handsome actor devour pussy like he did and expect the viewers to keep in mind he’s a kidnapped, abuser, manipulator, stalker, and a dangerous mafia boss and we’re witnessing a textbook Stockholm syndrome. I mean he spit on a kitty before he ate it. My jaw dropped just as his did. How can you watch that on a platform that streams kids show?

In all seriousness, it was a terrible movie. I was laughing way too hard and cringing way too much.

Like when Massimo told Laura he loved her right after fucking her against the bathroom mirror. Honey, you kidnapped a girl you obsessed over for years, never actually talked to her, manipulated her into having mindblowing sex with you, and label it love. That’s not romantic. Sayin yes to marrying your kidnapped is not romantic. Buying expensive clothes and shoes to your prisoner is not romantic.

Remember the times when you were younger and read dirty stories at Wattpad?

Think of as many dirty cliques you can think of and that’s 365 days.

There is no BDMS in 365 days so that’s why I wouldn’t compare it to the mess that is 50 shades of grey. Honestly, handcuffs and spread bars are too mainstream to be considered BDSM toys.

What bothers me the most about this movie is how much of an epic soundtrack has been wasted on a plotless porn that’s not even explicit enough to be actually considered a porn. Track after track used in each of their fuck session, or shopping spread, or a zoom over European cities were amazing. Even the whole production was very good with the light changes in clubs or sex dungeons. The creators clearly tried to connect the plot holes with a supercut of perfect scenery with cool music and there were so many of them.

365 days ends on a pretty anti-climatic and overdramatic cliffhanger.

Well, can you consider it a cliffhanger when it’s the first part of a trilogy? Yeah, there is gonna be more of that shit.

6 Comments

  1. June 21, 2020 / 1:47 am

    From the sound of it, your review might be more entertaining than the movie.

  2. June 21, 2020 / 10:26 am

    Omg. Don’t I feel this. With a 5 star rating, I had to put it on. Biggest mistake ever,… As soon as he kidnapped her and she was sassy and cool about it, I gave up. What a load of nonsense.

  3. Ney Zulmé
    June 27, 2020 / 6:31 am

    Despite the soundtracks, this movie is so trasshhhhhhhhhhh. People get excited only for the sex scenes as the scenario is a load of nonsense…

  4. June 27, 2020 / 10:00 am

    Sure ….. Hot as Hell.

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