Hey. Welcome to my new beginning.

Didn’t really plan it but shit happens and it’s all about how you deal with it so here is my shit:
For the last couple of days I’ve been super busy as I’ve been moving out of my old apartment I shared with my former best friend. I already shared bunch of articles about how I loved living with my best friend, about all of the fun we had since we moved in september – Septembers news


Sad fact is that you can never know people’s true intention – even considering best friends and there is where my first mistake happened.

I went for long run. I signed a lease for a year without single thought that could end sooner. But my best friend had other plans as she met a guy and the oldest story in the history repeated itself.


It’s so funny cuz we both went for living together with one deal – to talk to each other, to say out loud what was bothering us about the other to avoid terrible breaking out as I had with previous roommates. But you know deals works only when both sides parcipitate.


My roommate never told me she was planing moving with her boyfriend pretty much since the day we moved together and then blamed me for not being happy she’s kicking me out.


No matter what we went through together, no matter how long we knew each other – nothing matters when love struck.


I was stunned when my best friend chose my ex-boyfriend and her current boyfriend over me and I shared the detail in my article 2019 is the worst and it’s been just 12 days.


It’s scary when the only time you can get to meet the real side of someone is when they are drunk. Even worst is when you start noticing empty bottles everyday and all you can do is watch your best friend fall apart and destroy everything good about her.

For the last couple of weeks we didn’t talk at all, we couldn’t even look each other in the eye and that’s the end of our friendship I never expected. She would come home so late at night to make sure I was already sleeping so we wouldn’t have to deal with each other and devote herself in her addiction.


We tend to surround each other with people who would support us. I used to naively believe we also surround each other with people who would make us better. The older I get the more I notice we usually end up pushing those people away. Ego and jealousy shows up with our drunk self and that’s when I firstly met the true nature of my best friend.


Turned out our friendship was doomed years ago when I started dating a boy I never know my best friend had her eye on. No matter what I did I would always be the girl who postponed her relationship with the guy.


Her drunk self would make sure to rub into my face that she got him now at every chance she got. If you read my article Let’s talk about love you’ll know I never cared for the boy.


When the 3 of us would be together it would be a shit show of how much she could put me down in front of him. She would disagree or make fun of everything I said and I let it be buz it was good for her self-confidence to bad-mouth his ex-girlfriend .


But when my friends came to visit at new years party it was the worst. My drunk roommate would spat on my friends and she actually said to their face that she hate them cuz they are better than her. She would cry and scream that she hate my friend cuz he’s representing everything she wants to be. She swallowed her vomit and told me she can’t listen to him talking about his success anymore. 10 days later she told me she can’t live with me anymore.


I’m sure I’m a bad guy in her story just as she is in mine and that’s totally fine. We both have our point of views and they are both equally true but incompatible with each other.

I’m so upset that I can’t even hate her. Everything she’s doing is a cry for help and I failed her.


We are both so fundamentally different. We come from different types of families and I could never understand her actions. I don’t know what it’s like to grown up in a broken family. I always thought we would make our friendship work but my presence was making her unhappy and there is nothing I can do about it.

Now she choose to live with a guy who ignores her drinking problem. I just wish she would met someone on her way down who could help her back up and she wouldn’t push them away like she did me.


I totally understand why she had to do what she did to me. It’s her way of dealing with her problems. Put all the blame on one person and get rid of it all. Materialize your missery and kick it out of the house.


We all believe the grass is greener somewhere else and I bet somewhere it truly is. I can’t blame her for trying to get her life together. She just don’t know any better.


She was my best friend and I loved her so much. I still find myself thinking “she would like that” when I see something nice or funny or “I can’t wait till I tell her that” when something eventful happens. But then that sad realization that she wanted out of my life hits and I’m on my own now.
I wish her all the best for the good years we had, for always standing by my site, supporting me, making me laugh, making me think, showing me new things, new experiences we endeavor on together.

She was great friend until it became too hard for her to be my friend and here is where we both have to let go.


As usual I’m pouring my memories to my own pensive – my blog, forgetting them and moving on.


I had to move out of my old apartment to much smaller but nicer one and I’m truly enjoying every minute living alone. I had a blast decorating everything according to my taste but the actual moving was terrible.


As the moving out came as a quite shock I was on my own to move everything I own. For the past year I moved 3 times and you might expect me to get used to it or find some easy tricks to help me move my stuff faster.

Nope – each time I curse myself for owning so many stuff. Thankfully I didn’t move far from my previous apartment as its ideal travel span to my work place. I spend one day and a half just going back and forth between the apartments and till this day my hands are shaking and I have many bruises all over my body. Thankfully my other friend came to help me out so at least I had someone to share a pizza and a drink with in my new apartment.


There are some important lessons I learned from all of the last years moves I went through:

  • Always wear comfortable clothes, boy I didn’t changed from my sweatpants for a days.
  • Prepare a cleaning kit. No matter who lived there before you there would be bunch of dust, dirt and hair all over the place.
  • Take out – cuz you’ll have no idea where you packed food or utensils no matter how nicely you label your boxes.
  • First night in new place is overrated – each time I was so exhausted from moving I fell asleep immediately.

I just hope I can relax for at least a year and I won’t have to move again. I’m just so tired from moving even when it’s so necessary.

I moved out of my old place and moved on form toxic friendship.

People change, friends leave and life doesn’t stop for anybody.

Perks of being a wallflower

Thank you for your attention

xo Natalia

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It's scary when the only time you can get to meet the real side of someone is when they are drunk. Even worst is when you start noticing empty bottles everyday and all you can do is watch your best friend fall apart and destroy everything good about her.

2 Comments

  1. Alex
    March 4, 2019 / 9:29 pm

    You’re always so honest. It’s great. I should read Paper Towns. I enjoyed The Fault in our Stars.

  2. March 5, 2019 / 2:16 am

    It is an ill wind that blows no one good. So you have had the wind and now it seems you find yourself better off for having had that wind blow. Onwards ever onwards!

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